The Birth You Deserve
Informed choice, not pressure.
You deserve informed consent that includes the benefits, risks, and alternatives—explained in a way you can understand, connected to your values. This page is here to help you stay oriented and confident in clinical spaces.
Steady boundary: “I hear you. I’m not saying no. I’m asking for the full picture before I say yes.”
Hot topics (without judgment)
Clear information, calm questions, and supportive language you can actually use.
Epidural
An epidural can be a beautiful tool. If you want one, you’re not “less.” If you don’t, you’re not “more.” What matters is that you understand your options and feel respected either way.
If you’re deciding, you can ask:
“What are the benefits for my situation, and what are the tradeoffs?”
Eating and drinking
Policies vary by hospital and risk factors. If you’re being restricted, it’s okay to clarify whether this is about your medical situation—or a unit rule.
Try this:
“Is this because of my risk factors—or is this a unit policy for everyone?”
Induction
Induction can be a thoughtful choice or a necessary one. The key is understanding “why now,” what method is being recommended, and what the next steps look like if your body responds slowly.
Ask for clarity:
“What’s the concern, how urgent is it, and what are our alternatives—including waiting?”
C-section
C-sections save lives and can also be overused in some settings—both can be true. If surgery is recommended and it’s not an emergency, you’re allowed to ask for the “why” in plain language.
If surgery is recommended, you can ask:
“What is the specific concern? What are our alternatives? What’s the urgency?”
VBAC / TOLAC
Many people are candidates for a trial of labor after cesarean, and counseling should be individualized—your history matters. You deserve a conversation that’s centered on your full clinical picture and your values.
A note on VBAC calculators:
VBAC calculators can be inaccurate and should not be used as the deciding factor for your care. They can miss context, oversimplify risk, and replace the patient-centered counseling you deserve. If a calculator is mentioned, it should be one small piece of a much bigger conversation—not the final word.
Try this wording:
“I’m not comfortable making a decision based on a calculator. I want counseling based on my full history, today’s findings, and what’s safest in this facility.”
Red flags for pressure (and what to say instead) Click to open
Pressure can sound like…
- “We need to do this now,” without explaining urgency.
- Scary statements without specifics (“big baby,” “your pelvis is too small,” “failure”).
- Only one option presented—no alternatives offered.
- Rushing you, talking over you, or making you feel dramatic for asking.
- Using fear to get compliance instead of giving information.
What you can say (calm + firm)
- Clarify: “What are you seeing that concerns you?”
- Urgency: “Is this minutes, hours, or ‘today’?”
- Options: “What are our alternatives—including waiting?”
- Reassess: “If it’s not emergent, can we reassess in 30–60 minutes?”
- Second set of eyes: “I’d like a second opinion or the charge nurse to join us.”
You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to ask again. And if you don’t feel safe or respected, you’re allowed to consider a different provider when that’s an option.
Keep your footing in the room
Sometimes decisions are offered quickly, in language that feels final. This is your calm translator—what things mean, what to ask, and gentle words you can use if you want to slow down and choose on purpose.
The BRAIN method (a simple decision pause)
If an intervention is suggested and it’s not an emergency, you’re allowed to take a breath and ask:
A calm line you can use:
“I’m open to hearing recommendations. Can we use BRAIN for a minute so I understand the full picture?”
Common phrases you might hear (and gentle responses) Click to open
You might hear: “Your baby is big.”
You can say: “Can you tell me what you’re basing that on, and what the margin of error is? What options do we have either way?”
You might hear: “Your pelvis is too small / your body isn’t made for this.”
You can say: “Can you explain what you’re seeing clinically right now that makes you think that? What evidence are we using today?”
You might hear: “You’re not progressing / you’re stalled.”
You can say: “What is the definition of ‘not progressing’ in this unit? What time frame are we using, and what are our options to support progress before adding interventions?”
You might hear: “We need to do this now.”
You can say: “Is this an emergency with minutes urgency—or a recommendation with time to talk? What’s the specific concern?”
You might hear: “Your water has been broken too long, so we have to…”
You can say: “What is the risk you’re concerned about, and how are we monitoring it? What are the options, and what changes would make it urgent?”
You might hear: “If you don’t do X, your baby could…”
You can say: “I want to understand clearly: what is the likelihood, what signs are we seeing, and what are the alternatives?”
You don’t have to argue to advocate. You can stay calm, ask for specifics, and request time—especially when the situation isn’t emergent.
Quick “intervention translator” (what it means + what to ask) Click to open
Pitocin
A synthetic form of oxytocin used to strengthen or start contractions.
Ask: “What’s the goal dose? How will you increase it, and what are we watching for?”
Breaking the water (AROM)
Rupturing membranes to encourage stronger contractions and pressure.
Ask: “What’s the benefit right now, and what changes once it’s done?”
Continuous monitoring
A belt monitor that tracks baby’s heart rate continuously (limits movement for some people).
Ask: “Is intermittent monitoring an option for me? If not, why?”
Cervical checks
A vaginal exam to assess dilation/effacement/station (optional unless needed for a decision).
Ask: “Will this result change the plan—yes or no?”
Epidural
A regional anesthetic for pain relief (can affect mobility/sensation).
Ask: “How might this affect positions, pushing, or blood pressure in my case?”
Internal monitor (IUPC/FSE)
More direct measurement of contractions or baby’s heart rate.
Ask: “What problem are we trying to solve, and what are the alternatives?”
Every hospital has its own culture. Your job isn’t to memorize everything—it’s to stay oriented, ask for clarity, and choose what matches your values and your medical reality.
You’re allowed to change your mind Click to open
You can say yes now and no later. You can want an unmedicated birth and choose an epidural. You can plan for a VBAC and decide you want a repeat cesarean. Your strength isn’t in sticking to a script—it’s in making informed decisions as things unfold.
A simple line:
“I’m changing my mind. I want to revisit options.”
And outside of urgent situations, you’re allowed to consider a different provider if you feel dismissed, rushed, or repeatedly pressured. Respect matters.
This page is educational support, not medical advice. Your history matters—your provider should tailor recommendations to you. If something feels urgent or alarming, call your provider or seek care.